you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
