where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize