What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
