We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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