I molested 6 butterflies tonight
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize