We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
