Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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