I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
