Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
