A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
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Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
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He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.