i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.