She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
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normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
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I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.