gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
