Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
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The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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