my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
When are your genitals available?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
