we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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