can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
