I wanna passion pit in your ass
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
