she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
