Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
is wine microwaveable?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
