I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
She even gives head with a lisp.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
