I wish I could teleport
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
