I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
