Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
