That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
