I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
