Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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