is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
