Porn is love you can see.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
