I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
this is an emotional support booty call
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize