Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Randomize
