nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
