Whod you bang
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
