The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
