i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
