Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
