i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Randomize
