Im at strip club and am horny
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
