No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
