took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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