So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
