The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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