Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
