My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
