Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
