You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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