Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
