I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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