she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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