That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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