I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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