Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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