that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
