she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize