it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
