THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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