I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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