Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
