I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
