I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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