Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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