Where are you?
In a non slutty way
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I bet he comes in French.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
