Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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