Only a mothe r could love this liver
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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