wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
