I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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