we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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