Will you blow on my dice?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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