I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
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Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
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Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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