im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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