I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Randomize
