omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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