If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
