i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
