Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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