I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
