that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
