I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She even gives head with a lisp.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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