I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
