Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
