I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
