i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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