you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
