it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
