you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
