Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
