I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
